Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her math classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, little Morris answered, “A good lawyer.”

After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. “Make three wishes,” she told her mother, “and I’ll grant them.”

Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, “I wish to have a trim figure again.”

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. “I’ll need more power for this one!” she exclaimed.

The math teacher was giving a lesson on fractions and wrote an example on the chalkboard. He explained that the numerator was the top and the denominator was the bottom. Leaning against the board, he asked the class, “Are there any questions?”

When he turned back to face the board, laughter filled the room. “Mr. Alexander,” one student giggled, “you have chalk dust all over your denominator!”

One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

“What’s the matter?” she called out.

“My razor — it won’t cut!” he answered.

“Don’t be silly, dear!” she declared. “You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?”

My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription, “BE MINE.”

The following day, I received a return valentine from the teacher. It read, “Thank you, but it’s still a BE MINE-US.”