Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she had found the lens.

“I looked everywhere, how did you do that?” he asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she explained. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I, on the other hand, was looking for $150!”

I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $35 apiece. I needed to step away for a bit so I asked him to watch them for me.

“Sure,” he said, “but just in case someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?”

“Try for more, but I will accept $20 each,” I said, and left.

When I returned, my tires were gone. “How much did you get for them?” I asked excitedly.

“Twenty dollars each.”

“Who bought them?”

“I did!”

My mother-in-law sent me two sweaters for Christmas.

When she came for a visit, I put on one of the sweaters.

The first thing she said was, “What’s the matter? Didn’t you like the other one?”

A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, “I need a job and I think I’m pretty good.”

The owner replied, “Okay, show me what you can do, chop down that redwood over there.” The man said okay and left. Five minutes later he came back and was done.

The owner was shocked and asked, “How did you chop that tree down so fast?”

The man said, “I got a lot of practice in the Sahara.”

The owner replied, “You mean the Sahara desert?”

“Yes,” he said, “or at least that’s what they call it now.”

To get his mind off his losing streak at the racetrack, I took my friend horseback riding. Being a novice, he freaked when his horse took off.

“How do I get it to slow down?!” he yelled.

“Bet on it!” I hollered back.