Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A neighbor asked his friend, who was celebrating 50 years of marriage, what the secret was to a long and happy marriage?

His friend replied, “When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had and we have done so for 50 years.”

“Twice a week, you say?”

“Yeah. She goes out on Tuesday and I go out on Friday.”

A tired hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. “Am I glad to see you!” he said. “I’ve been lost for three days.”

“Don’t get too excited, friend,” the other hunter replied. “I’ve been lost for three weeks.”

First golfer: “I have the greatest golf ball in the world. You can’t lose it.”

Second golfer: “How so?”

First golfer: “If you hit it into the sand, it beeps. You hit it into the water, it floats. If you want to play golf at night it glows.”

Second golfer: “Hey, sounds good. Where did you get it?”

First golfer: “I found it in the woods.”

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy…”

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”