Daily Joke: Jokes Library

British engineers heard about the device and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made and a device was sent to the British engineers.

When device was fired, the British engineers were shocked… the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chicken”.

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.

Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.

They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, “this should impress him!”

He showed his son a machine and said: “Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.”

The son, openly sneering, said: “Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”

The furious father thought and said: “Yes son, we call it your mother.”

There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheep herder over. “Tell you what. I have a proposition for you,” said the woman.

“If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?”

“Sure,” said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied “382”.

“Wow!” said the herder.

“That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.” So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Then, the herder said, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you”.

“What is it?” queried the woman.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, “Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!”

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, “Ohhh God! He told me he’d been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!”

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, piranhas, and many other lethal creatures.

The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them three wishes.

Nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and partying.

Suddenly, there was a big splash. The host looked and saw a man swimming for his life across the tank. Thankfully, he made it across in one piece.

The host walked over to the man and said, “Alright – you made it! WOW! What are your three wishes?”

The man replied: “First, you see that shotgun of yours? Give it to me. Second, see those bullets over there? Give them to me too. Third, show me the jerk that pushed me in.”