06/25/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20714
A Pharaoh asks his three priests to build him a tomb.
Each priest consults three stonemasons.
Each stonemason hires three overseers.
Each overseer enlists three laborers.
Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me…
06/24/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20709
During recess at Maplewood School, three boys were gathered by the monkey bars, locked in a fierce debate not about superheroes or video games this time, but about whose dad was the tallest.
Tim puffed out his chest. “My dad is so tall, he doesn’t climb ladders. He just reaches up and changes the streetlight bulbs with his bare hands!”
Bob scoffed. “Please. My dad is so tall, when he stretches in the morning, birds land on his shoulders thinking he’s a tree.”
Little Johnny leaned against the slide, nibbling on a biscuit and listening patiently. Then he looked up at Bob and asked casually, “So when your dad stretches that high… does he ever touch the clouds?”
Bob grinned. “All the time! Says they feel soft, like cotton.”
Johnny nodded thoughtfully, then smirked.
“Yeah… that’s my father’s balls.”
06/23/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20706
A man entered the confessional and told the priest,
I almost had an affair with another woman
The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The man said, “Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped!” The priest said, “Rubbing against each other is like getting into each other. You’ll never see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box!”
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked toward the poor box. He paused for a moment, then began to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, ran to him and said, “I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”
The man replied, “Yes, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”
06/22/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20702
A day in the life of an IT guy.
Customer: “Hi, my computer isn’t working.”
IT Guy: “OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?”
Customer: “Nothing.”
IT Guy: “Can you check to see if it’s plugged into the outlet?”
Customer: “Uhhhh, I dunno. It’s pretty dark back there…”
IT Guy: “…Can you turn on a light?”
Customer: “Nope. The power’s out.”
06/21/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20698
Three vampire brothers hold a competition.
The first brother who is the strongest.
“Watch this,” he says, and takes off at nearly 100 miles per hour.
Two minutes later, he returns, his mouth covered in blood.
“What happened?!” his brothers exclaimed.
“You see that mansion over there?”
“Yeah?” “Well, I went over there and sucked each and every last family member dry. They are all dead.”
“Wow!” his brothers say. “As expected, for you are the strongest.”
The second brother to go is the oldest.
“Watch and learn, boys,” he says, and takes off even quicker, at 150 miles per hour.
Five minutes later, he returns, both his mouth and his neck covered in blood.
“What happened?!” His brothers exclaimed.
“You see that village over there?” “Yeah?”
They said. “Well, I went over there and killed every last person in the entire village. There is not one left alive.”
“Wow!” his brothers say in awe. “As expected, for you are the oldest and have the most experience.”
The third brother who is the fastest.
Not to be outdone, he says, “Watch this, and don’t blink or you might miss it.”
He flies off, faster than the rest of them, going at least 200mph. In only ten seconds, he returns.
His entire mouth, nose, and neck are covered in so much blood, it stains the front of his shirt.
“What happened?!” his brothers exclaimed.
“You see that giant tree over there?”
“…Yeah?” “Well, I didn’t…”