08/22/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21040
Little Johnny was a lazy student who was failing math badly.
Frustrated, his parents pulled him out of regular school and enrolled him in a local Catholic school.
After the first day, he came home without saying a word, went straight to his bedroom, and spent four hours finishing his math homework something he had never done before.
The same thing happened the next day, and the days after that.
Several days later, his parents came to his room and asked, “Johnny, what brought this on?
You’re working your tail off!”
Johnny replied, “When I got to my math class on Monday and saw that guy nailed to a plus sign above the blackboard, I knew they weren’t messing around!”
08/21/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21037
A drunk staggered down to hotel reception and demanded a change of room. He was so insistent that the receptionist was forced to call the manager.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the manager.
“I want another room,” said the drunk.
“But I see you’re in room 341. That’s one of the best rooms in the hotel.”
“I don’t care. I want another room.”
“Very well sir. If you’re adamant, we can move you from 341 to 362. But would you mind telling me what you don’t like about your room?”
“Well,” said the drunk, “for one thing, it’s on fire.”
08/20/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21034
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: Butter – 8 euros
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: Butter – 7 euros
This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said.
“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered.
“Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
08/19/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21030
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him.
He’d never been to church in his life:
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said.
“Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”
Murphy said.
“I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said.
“Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy replied. “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said.
“After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”
Murphy slowly shook his head.
“No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.”
08/18/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21025
The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea.
“I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”
He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play.
They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.
The lion’s team received.
They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt.
The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged.
First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits.
He gored a wildebeest, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.
Unfortunately, they lacked a place-kicker, and the score remained 6 – 0.
Late in the first half the lion’s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point.
The lion’s team led at halftime 7 – 6.
In the locker room, the lion gave a pep talk.
“Look you guys. We can win this game. We’ve got the lead and they only have one real threat. We’ve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he’s a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.”
The second half began.
Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino’s team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino.
Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running.
First, he stomped two gazelles.
He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way.
It looked like he was home free.
Suddenly at the twenty-yard line, he dropped over dead.
There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him.
The lion went over to see what had happened.
Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.
“Did you do this?” he asked the centipede.
“Yeah, I did.” the centipede replied.
The lion retorted, “Where were you during the first half?”
“I was putting on my shoes.”