Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Little Johnny runs into the bathroom just as his mother is stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks: “Mommy what’s that?”

Somewhat flustered she quickly replies: “Well dear that is my sponge.” Content with her answer off he goes…

Later he runs into the living room and asks “Mommy may I play with your sponge?”

Again his mother is flustered and quickly states “Why, no you may not, I lost it.”

O.K. this pacifies him and back out to play.

Later Johnny races into the kitchen yelling “Mommy I found the sponge, I found the sponge.”

Confused the mother asks “You did and where did you find it?”

Johnny proudly stated “The maid is got it and she is washing Daddy’s face with it.”

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.

“What’s the matter?” asked Bill of his buddy. “You look kind of down.”

“My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it’s brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.”

A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy.

The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem.

The brunet whispers to the blonde, “Someone should give him head and shoulders.”

And the blonde says, “How do you give shoulders?”

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first,” she said. “What does your mother do all day?”

Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.”

“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie?”

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.”

“Thank you, Amie,” said the teacher. “What about your father, Billy?”

Billy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks.”

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy’s father said, “I’m actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients.

When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it,

“I’m sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month.

I’ll have to get back to you then.”

He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, “Now, what can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone.”