Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A top jockey was about to ride a new horse in a major race. Beforehand, the trainer pulled him aside and said, “There’s just one thing you must remember. Every time you come up to a jump, you have to shout ‘ALLLEEE OOOP!’ as loudly as you can right into the horse’s ear. Do that, and everything will be fine.”

The jockey thought the trainer had lost his mind, but he agreed.

The race started, and as they reached the first hurdle, the jockey ignored the strange advice. The horse smashed straight through the middle of the jump.

Approaching the second hurdle, the jockey, now a bit uneasy, muttered “aleeee ooop” under his breath. The result was the same—the horse plowed straight through the jump again.

By the third hurdle, the jockey decided he had nothing to lose. He yelled “ALLLEEE OOOP!” at the top of his lungs. Instantly, the horse cleared the jump perfectly. From then on, every jump went smoothly—but because of the early mistakes, they only managed to finish third.

After the race, the furious trainer demanded to know what had gone wrong.

The jockey snapped back, “There’s nothing wrong with me—it’s this stupid horse! What is he, deaf or something?”

“Deaf?” the trainer shouted. “DEAF?! You fool—he’s not deaf… he’s BLIND!”

One day, God looked down at Earth and saw all the mischief going on, so He called one of His angels and sent him down to observe for a while.

When the angel returned, he reported, “It’s bad down there. About 95% of people are misbehaving, and only 5% are behaving well.”

God paused and said, “Maybe I should get a second opinion.” So He sent another angel to Earth.

After some time, the second angel returned and said, “It’s true. The world is going downhill. Roughly 95% are misbehaving, and only 5% are doing the right thing.”

God was disappointed. He decided to email the 5% who were behaving well, hoping to encourage them and help them keep going.

Do you know what the email said?
No?

Funny… I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.

Share this prank joke so others can have a laugh too.

An old, weary-looking dog wandered into my yard one day. From his collar and healthy belly, it was clear he had a home and was well cared for.

He ambled over calmly, accepted a few pats on the head, then followed me inside. He shuffled down the hallway, curled up in a corner, and promptly fell asleep.

About an hour later, he headed for the door, and I let him out.

The next afternoon, he returned. He greeted me in the yard, walked straight inside, settled into the same spot in the hall, and slept for another hour. This routine continued on and off for several weeks.

Curious, I finally pinned a note to his collar:
“I’d love to know who owns this sweet dog and whether you’re aware that he comes to my house almost every afternoon for a nap.”

The following day, he showed up as usual—with a new note on his collar:
“He lives in a house with six children, two of them under three years old. He’s just catching up on his sleep.

Any chance I can come with him tomorrow?”

After two decades in practice, a successful gynecologist had grown tired of malpractice insurance and endless HMO paperwork. Feeling burned out, he decided it was time for a complete career change—even though medicine was all he had ever known.

Thinking his steady hands might serve him well elsewhere, he chose to retrain as a mechanic, a job he’d always believed he’d be good at. He enrolled in evening classes at a local technical college, attended faithfully, and soaked up everything he could learn.

When the practical exam arrived, he prepared for weeks and completed it with impressive skill. When the results were posted, he was stunned to see he’d scored 150%. Certain there had been a mistake, he called his instructor.

“I’m grateful,” he said, “but I think there must be an error in my grade.”

The instructor replied, “You earned 50% for taking the engine apart perfectly, and another 50% for putting it back together perfectly.”

Then, after a brief pause, he added, “I gave you the extra 50% because you did the entire job through the muffler—which I’ve never seen anyone do in my whole career.”

One day, an out-of-work mime tries to make a little cash by performing outside a zoo. As a crowd starts to gather, a zookeeper rushes over, grabs him, and drags him into the office.

The zookeeper explains that the zoo’s star attraction—a gorilla—has suddenly died, and he’s worried attendance will drop. He offers the mime a temporary job: put on a gorilla suit and fill in until they get a replacement. Desperate for work, the mime agrees.

The next morning, the mime suits up and enters the gorilla enclosure. It turns out to be the best job he’s ever had. He sleeps, plays around, mocks visitors, and draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a street performer.

After a while, though, the audience loses interest. Bored of swinging on tires, the mime notices the lion in the next cage getting more attention. Not wanting to be outshone, he climbs to the top of his enclosure, crawls over the divider, and hangs above the lion’s cage. The lion roars in rage—but the crowd loves it.

That evening, the zookeeper gives the “gorilla” a raise. This continues for weeks: bigger crowds, bigger paychecks, and nonstop taunting of the lion.

Then one day, disaster strikes. While dangling over the lion, the mime slips and falls into the cage. Terrified, he runs in circles as the lion prepares to attack. Panicking, the mime starts screaming, “HELP! HELP ME!”

The lion leaps, pins him to the ground, leans in close, and whispers:

“Shut up, you idiot. Do you want us both fired?”