09/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17519
A wealthy man walked into a bar in Miami.
As soon as he entered, he noticed an old woman, sitting in one corner.
He walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted,
“Bartender! I’m buying drinks for everyone in this bar, except that woman over there!”
The bartender collected the money and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except the old woman.
Instead of becoming upset, the woman simply looked up at the guy and shouted,
“Thank you!”
This infuriated the wealthy guy.
So once again, he took out his wallet and shouted,
“Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!”
The bartender collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the old woman.
When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, the Old woman simply smiled at the man and said, Thank you!”
That made him furious.
So he leaned over the counter and asked the bartender,
“What is wrong with that woman? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for her, and instead of becoming angry, she just sits there, smiles at me and shouts
‘Thank you.’ Is she mad”
The bartender smiled at the wealthy man and said,
“No, she is not mad. She is the OWNER of this Restaurant .”
09/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17517
Youngster pushes his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill.
The young boy says: “I’ll be darned.”
A local pastor heard him and said:
You should not say that.
Next time your wheel falls off say:
‘Praise the Lord.’”
So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down the hill.
The young boy says:
“Praise the Lord.”
The wheel stops rolling, turns around, roIIs back up the hill and puts itself back on the wagon.
The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims:
“I’ll be darned!”
09/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17515
Ben went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone.
Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said,
“What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said Ben,
“The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”
09/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17512
A police officer in Grafton stops at a local farm.
He talks with an old farmer, and tells him.
” I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”.
The farmer says,
” OKay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he is pointing out the location.
The police officer verbally explodes saying,
” Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me”.
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, and proudly displays it to the farmer.
” See the badge old man? this badge means I am allowed to go on any land … have I made myself clear”.
The farmer apologizes, nods and goes about his chores.
A short time later the old farmer hears loud screaming, looks up and sees the police officer running in front of the farmers Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the officer makes the bull gains two, only seconds before the bull reaches him.
The rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells.
“Your badge, Show him your badge!”
09/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17509
A man working in an IT company became sick.
He consulted many multi-facility hospitals but still couldn’t get cured…
He was sad.
Then his wife advised,
“why don’t you consult a veterinary doctor?”
He was shocked.
He screamed at her,
‘ Are you mad?’
She spoke softly,
‘ Nothing happened to me… It is you have a problem. You wake up early in the morning like cock, take a half bath like a crow, eat something like a monkey, and then run to the office like a racehorse, there you work like a donkey, and you scream to your juniors like a wild bear, evening you reach home and bark at us like a dog, then you eat like a crocodile, at night you go to bed and sleep like a buffalo. That’s the reason why I asked you to meet a veterinary doctor.’
The man just sat and gaped at her.
The wife asked, Now why are u looking at me like an owl?’