Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two men were drinking in a bar. One of the men who was very drunk said: “I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye.”

The second guy, thought it would be easy taking money from a drunk, so he said: “Okay, you’re on.”

The drunk then took his glass eye out and bit it. And the second guy had to pay the $100.

A while later, the drunk said: “I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye.”

Knowing that the drunk couldn’t possibly have two glass eyes, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to see, the second guy accepted the challenge, confident that he would win his money back.

The drunk promptly took out his false teeth and bit his other eye.

After examining a male patient, a doctor took the man’s wife aside.

“I must be honest with you,” he said in an ominous tone, “I don’t like the looks of your husband.”

“Me neither,” said the wife. “But he brings home a good wage, and he’s great with the kids.” 

A man came home one day and said to his wife: “Honey, what would you do if I said I’d won the lottery?”

She sneered: “I’d take half and then leave you.”

“Excellent,” he replied. “I hit 3 numbers and won $10. Here’s $5, pack your bags and get out.”

A wife was talking to her husband about reincarnation.

“What exactly is reincarnation?” he asked.

“It’s when you die and come back as something completely different,” she explained.

“So,” he suggested “I could come back as a pig?”

She sighed wearily. “You’re not listening, are you?”

Just before the funeral service, the undertaker went over to the widow and asked: “How old was your husband?”

“Ninety-eight,” she answered. “Two years older than me.”

“So you’re ninety-six,” said the undertaker. “Hardly worth going home, is it?”