Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A duck walks into a convenience store. He asks the man at the counter, “You got any grapes?” Guy at the counter says, “No, we don’t have any grapes.” Duck says “okay.” and he leaves.

    The next day the duck comes back in and says “You got any grapes?” The man once again replies, “No! We do not have any grapes.” The duck says “Okay.” and he leaves.

    The third day the duck walks in again and asks, “You got any grapes?” The man is very annoyed and says, “No! For the last time, we do NOT have any grapes. If you come in here again and ask for grapes, I’m gonna nail your bill to the floor!” The duck replies “Okay,” and leaves.

    The fourth day the duck returns once again and asks, “You got any nails?” The man at the counter says “No.” The duck says, “Well then, you got any grapes?

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it feels like rubber.”

Curious, the attorney asked, “What do you have there?”

The drunk replied, “I don’t know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.”

The attorney responded, “Let me take a look.”

So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. “Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don’t know what it is. Where did you get it?”

The drunk replied, “Out of my nose!”

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner.!”

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. “Yes?” replied the teacher. “Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”