Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, “At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about s3x.”

The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his s3x life.

When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, “Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting,” his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep.

The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, “I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?”

His mate said smiling, ‘Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!.”

The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, “Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick.”

A rabbit hops into a pub and asks the bartender, “Could I get a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?”

The bartender is taken aback but serves the rabbit his order. The rabbit enjoys his beer, devours the toastie, and then leaves.

The next night, the rabbit returns and once again requests a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Word has spread, and the pub is buzzing with curious patrons. The bartender serves the rabbit, who eats and drinks before heading out.

By the third night, the pub is packed to the brim. As the rabbit walks in and orders his usual, the crowd falls silent in anticipation. The bartender hands over the pint and toastie, and the room erupts in applause as the rabbit finishes his meal and exits.

On the fourth night, there’s standing room only. People have travelled from far and wide just to witness this unusual guest. The bartender is making more money in a week than he did all of last year.

But when the rabbit walks in and asks for his usual, the bartender’s face falls. “I’m sorry, my friend,” he says, “but we’re all out of Ham and

Cheese Toasties.”

The rabbit looks shocked, and the pub goes so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The bartender nervously offers, “But we do have a very nice

Cheese and Onion Toastie. I promise you’ll love it.”

The rabbit eyes him carefully. “Are you sure?” he asks.

With a grin, the bartender replies, “I wouldn’t steer you wrong. Trust me, you’ll love it.”

“Alright,” says the rabbit, “I’ll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.”

The pub bursts into cheers as the rabbit enjoys his meal, waves to the crowd, and leaves… never to return.

A year later, the pub is in decline. The bartender, who has only served a handful of drinks that night—most of them to himself—calls last orders.

As he’s cleaning up, he notices a small white figure hovering above the bar.

“Who are you?” he asks.

“I’m the ghost of the rabbit who used to visit your pub,” comes the reply.

The bartender’s eyes widen. “I remember you! You made this place famous. Every night, you’d come in for a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese

Toastie. People came from miles around just to see you.”

“Yes,” the rabbit says. “But I also remember that last night when you ran out of Ham and Cheese Toasties. You gave me a Cheese and Onion Toastie instead.”

“That’s right,” the bartender recalls. “But then you never came back. What happened?”

“I died,” says the rabbit.

The bartender gasps. “No! How?”

The rabbit pauses before replying, “Mixin’ me toasties.”

A farmer buys a young rooster.

As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes & fucks all 150 hens.

The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch.

At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens.

The farmer gets a bit worried now.

The next day, he finds the rooster fucking the ducks, geese, & a parrot too which is now scaring him.

Later that day, he finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead with vultures circling over its head.

The farmer says, “You horny bastard, you deserve this.”

The rooster opens one eye, points up, & whispers, “Shh! Don’t shout, let them land!”

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Johnny says, “None.”

The teacher asks, “Why?”

Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.”

The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”

Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”

The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”

Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”