Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.

He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?”

The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”

A man finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The man thinks for a moment and says, “First, give me a bottomless mug of beer.”

A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The man is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.

Then the Genie says, “And what about your other two wishes?”

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Give me two more just like this one!”

While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

“What are they doing?” she asked the tour guide.

“Each year,” he replied with a grin, “the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard.”

When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: “So, what’s the answer?”

The guide replied: “One.”

“Hello, police department? I’ve lost my cat and… “

“I’m sorry lady, but this is not a police job, you can try calling…”

“But you don’t understand, this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human. He can practically talk.”

“Well, in that case ma’am, you’d better hang up. He may be trying to call you right now.”

I went into my local wireless store looking for a solution to a problem.

“I have a horse that I can’t seem to get going when I mount him,” I told the customer service representative. “Nellie won’t listen to my commands, and when she does start moving, it’s just a slow, lazy trot.”

“I have just what you need for your phone,” the rep replied.

“And what would that be?”

“The latest version of the “Giddy-App!”