Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A dog sees a “Now hiring” poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

“Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer.”

The dog takes the poster in his mouth and walks in.

The manager spots the dog and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. “Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter,” and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

“Well, I’ll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?” he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. “Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well… you’re a dog.”

The dog nudges the words “We are an equal opportunity employer” on the poster, and the manager sighs.

“There’s no way you’re bilingual.”

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, “Meow.”

A widower goes to a psychic to contact his late wife.

“Honey,” he says. “Are you happy?”

“Yes, my husband,” she says.

Relieved, the man asks, “Are you happier than when you were with me?”

“Yes, my husband,” she replies, “I’m much, much happier.”

The husband smiles. “Heaven must be an amazing place.”

“I wouldn’t know,” she says. “I’m not in heaven.”

A kid caught his father chewing pennies and spitting them out.

The son said, “Dad, what the hell are you doing?”

He replied, “I’m making us rich son.”

“How?” the kid asked

“Simple”, he said, “I’m making bit coins.”

As a woman was leaving the bank, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten the car keys inside.

She went back and asked everyone, but no one had seen the keys. She searched her purse again.

“Oh no! I left the keys in the car!”

She ran to the parking lot in a panic—only to find the car missing!

She called the police, reported the car stolen, gave them the license plate number, and admitted the keys were left inside.

Trying to calm down, she nervously made the hardest call of her life—to her husband.

Stammering, she told him the car had been stolen.

He thundered back, “I dropped you at the bank—you didn’t take the car!”

She sighed in relief and thanked God, then asked him to come pick her up.

Her husband replied, “Sure I’ll come… just as soon as I convince the police I didn’t steal your car!”

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender…

“Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.”

“Oh yeah?” said Charlie. “And how did this one end?”

“When it was over,” Mike replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”

“Really,” said Charlie, “now that’s a switch! What did she say?”

“She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’”