Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see eachvchild’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was? The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and  nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”.

Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars.”

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

“Why? – What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “My good Watson… someone has stolen our tent.”

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”

“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

What in the world are you doing here?” he demanded. “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde,” but we had money left over — so now we’re going to Sea World.”

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV…

The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.  The blonde looked at Jack and said,  “Do you think he’ll jump?” Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.”  The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”  Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!” 

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.”  Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump. 

“The blonde replies, “I did too;  but I didn’t think he’d do it again.” Jack took the money..

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

 
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

 
The blonde promptly replies, “Fifteen inches.”

 
“Fifteen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small – what room are they for?”

 
The blonde tells him that they aren’t for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.

 
The surprised salesman replies, “But miss, computers do not need curtains!”

The blond says, “Hellllooooooooo! I’ve got Windoooooows!”